For someone with such a fascinating existence, I can't begin to imagine what you've been through and what the future holds for you.
Can you summarize for us a little about what you’ve been through in the last year?
Yeah, sure. It’s been, honestly, a little rough at times, but I am learning to be guardian (which is sort of like what you think of as a guardian angel). I don’t know that I love their rules or approach, but I mostly tried to keep an open mind—I swear I did. It’s been painful having to give up many parts of my human life. I miss my family, my friends, my job…and Holden, but I’ve tried to make the best of the new life before me and to piece my heart back together. Maybe someday it will even start beating again.
What is the strongest thing that binds you to Holden?
It depends what you mean by binds me to Holden. If you mean our bond, I have no idea how that happened. If you mean what’s the strongest pull he has on me, it’s definitely those moments when the surface cracks. He is so contained, so puzzling, so frustrating normally. But when he lets me slip beneath the walls and see the person he hides from the world, I can’t resist that person. I also love that I feel safe with him in every way, well at least I did.
What have you found most rewarding about becoming a guardian? What have you found most difficult?
Hmm the most rewarding has definitely been making an immediate, impactful change on people’s lives. It makes me feel like there is purpose to what I am doing. It is more than just a job.
Most difficult has been letting go. I have never taken change well so such a swift, immediate adjustment sort of sucks.
Will you tell us a little about your duties as a guardian?
I am assigned a list or sometimes just one person, depending on the difficultly of the problem, who needs guidance in their lives. I am supposed to only nudge them toward the right path, never push. At the end it has to be the individual’s choice. We help with major life crises, sometimes we inspired, and sometimes we comfort. It really depends on the problem and the need.
What do you miss most about your previous life?
Wow, that's hard. I miss my mom and I worry about her being alone. I miss my camera a lot. I miss talking to Juliet. And I miss Holden smiling at me and those faint freckles on his nose.
What is something people would be surprised to know about you?
I don’t judge people. I have lived my whole life with people judging me by the quiet exterior and never taking the time to get to know me. I don’t believe in doing that. I believe people are defined by their actions not by their circumstances. It isn’t a popular idea with very many guardians.
Why do you believe you were chosen to be a guardian? If you knew then, what you know now, would you have chosen this responsibility?
Huh. Good question. I am still not certain I should be a guardian. I don’t feel like I fit in very well. I am not good at following the leader and frankly I don’t always agree with them. Knowing what I know now, I would like to say it would change some of my decisions, but honestly I would choose the same the path again. I just have to make things work.
Do you have any free time from your duties? If so, how do you enjoy spending that time?
I don’t have much free time, thank goodness. I love movies and reading and art, and Femi (a good friend of mine who is a Sekhmet) is a lot of fun to go clubbing with. Mostly though, I work.
Can you what’s in store for you and Holden?
Well that’s really hard to say. I don’t know how I feel about being around him again. It is like being able to breathe for the first time in a year and it is like staring at a plate of cookies I can never eat. The emotion he stirs in me is terrifying and I also can’t imagine my life without it. Holden definitely doesn’t make my life simpler. I don’t know if we can find a balance or let each other go once and for all.
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Philip Pemberton come on down, you’re the next contestant on Sorry I Destroyed Your Life.
Damn it all to hell, I felt bad for old Phil. He made his deal with the demon and was well on his way to avenging his family and becoming cursed to this cruel and Godforsaken existence. And because of yours truly. What did she ever see in me?
I walked away from the warehouse where I’d taken Phil to meet his destiny. All hope was gone for him now. I glanced at my watch, not even 11:00 pm—the night was just getting started. What else could I do this fine evening? Anything that could possibly squash this surge of humanity, I was up for trying.
It hit me like a tidal wave. One moment I was walking down the street, planning on having a little fun and the next moment I was nearly knocked over by a crushing light that washed over my mind and blinded me to anything in front of me. I staggered, fought to gain some sort of control, then I heard her voice. She said my name—I tried to reply, but she was gone as quickly as she came. It was like I’d been struck by lightning. Her voice rang in my ears.
I’d warred to forget the sound and timber of her voice. I’d battled to obliterate the memories of the smell of her skin and the taste of her lips. This one word from her and all that I tried to forget flooded back.
Could Olivia be alive? Was it a fluke, a coincidence? Did I finally reach her on the other side? Or had I lost all grip with reality? Instead of going out, I caught a cab home. I walked into my empty apartment and stripped the sheets from my bed before collapsing onto it. I searched my mind for any change, any clue that she was really there, and I wasn’t just losing my sanity.
Please don’t let this be a hallucination, I begged the universe.